7 Reasons Why Putting The Toilet Paper Roll Under Is Just Plain Rude
There's a few options when you decide to replace the toilet paper roll: you can roll it over (like you should do, because it's the only logical choice with sound, scientific reason) or you could roll it under (like a monster). Well, if you routinely choose the latter you seriously need to do some deep inward soul searching to figure out what trauma in life caused you to become this kind of person. Thankfully, we're here to assist in that process.–you're welcome.
Like how dumb are you?! The simple fact you have to reach that much further back to get to the one thing between you and bathroom cleanliness is simply absurd. It's like choosing to frown (rolling under) rather than to smile (rolling over).
How disgusting is that? Not only is your body currently in need of a wipe-down from a cleaning product, now you've inadvertently just added more filth to the situation, because, like the monster you are, you rolled under and subjected yourself to more nastiness. Why would you do this to yourself, when there is so clearly a better alternative? That just makes you a monster!
Just look around in your household and the obvious choice will be right in front of you, but yet you still continually roll it under. Nobody uses that putrid paper and for good reason. So, why do you keep doing this? Oh right, because you're a monster that doesn't care about the feelings of those around you and simply and selfishly continue doing as you please–i.e. displeasing others.
There's so many hints that you're doing this whole thing wrong! Designers want you to know you've done it wrong! Quit ignoring the facts! You're wrong! It doesn't go under! Just. Stop. It. You. Monster.
With a 50/50 chance of getting it right, and knowing the correct answer at that, you still chose wrong. You're clearly a monster walking amongst men and need to be sent away. Just stop disobeying the guidelines set forth by society, before society shuns you from existence.
Even if you accidentally put it on with the roll under and second guess yourself, then decide to leave it. That's what makes you a monster! You had the chance to reprimand the situation and you chose not to! How could you sit there and just let that toilet paper, well, sit there, facing the wrong direction no less? You're just pure evil if you do.
Inventor Seth Wheeler explains in an 1891 patent:
"In carrying out my invention the sheets of paper are only partially separated, having their points of attachment arranged in a novel (manner), whereby each sheet will easily separate from the series as it is drawn from the roll, there being no litter occasioned, and any waste of paper is thereby prevented."
The inventor wants it to roll over and still you choose not to do so. What the hell is your problem?!
WTF IS THIS ATROCITY?! Rolling under is one thing, but just not even having any regard for how this whole process works (even if faulty and under), placing it atop is an abomination! How could you do this to the next patron of the porcelain throne?! Don't bother even replacing the roll if you're going to pull this crap, while you crap!
Bunch of monsters walking this Earth, I tell ya. Gee whiz.