We Reimagined the Presidential Candidates as Revolting Yankee Candle Scents
The presidential candidates are like Yankee Candle scents—they all stink.
Dying Grandpa Breath
When the Bernie-led Socialist United States collapses, you and your destitute family can huddle around the diminished flicker of his good intentions for warmth. #FeelTheBurn
Salami Dog Farts
Perfect to burn at the candlelight vigil for Planned Parenthood if Cruz is elected. It's scented with the actual odor of Ted's bathroom after he shits out beef jerky and women's rights.
Urinal Cake
Hillary used this candle to burn that fucking email server and terminate all evidence of the blue dress.
Tanning Bed Swamp Ass
The wick on Trump's candle is uuuuuge, he guarantees it. For middle-class women with jobs and opinions, the price is automatically doubled.
Cold Broccoli
The only candle endorsed by John Kasich as a holistic remedy for unwanted pregnancies, and cervical cancer. In combination with heavy prayer and blessings, it acts as treatment for HIV. Of course, this option is only available to straight Christians from Ohio.
You can only choose one of these putrid options...
So pinch your nose and decide which stinker you feel reeks least! CAUTION: Unattended candles may burn down the House (and the Senate). Burn time: 4 years.