Penis Lipstick Is Not What You Might Think

When I first heard that "penis lipstick" is now a thing, I was really reeeally hoping it was gonna be lipstick for penises. Those things are ugly. Dress 'em up! But no. Unfortunately, the Internet is abuzz about lipstick shaped like erect, veiny penises.

You may be asking yourself, what self respecting woman would spend good money on a dick-shaped lipstick? Then you remember bachelorette parties are a woo-girl thing and it all makes sense. They've already made penis straws and wee-wee shot glasses, why not make a tiny little phallus to rub all over your mouth? It's your special day! Just don't expect anything fancy. These things are super cheap at $1.50 a pop on Etsy.

What happens when the head wears down and you're left with that creepy veiny shaft? Let's hope no little children find these when they're digging around in your purse for gum.