12 Joan Rivers Quotes That Still Make Us Laugh Out Loud
by N/A, 9 years ago | 3 min read
Joan Rivers died on Sept. 4, but the legendary (and often controversial) comedian left a long, long legacy of zingers and one-liners. Quippy and brash, Rivers was always the first to point out her own flaws, and was more than willing to poke fun at her peers and frenemies.These are just some of the quotes and jokes we won't ever forget.
"I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'"
"Grandchildren can be so f-cking annoying. How many times can you go, â€˜And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oinkâ€™? Itâ€™s like talking to a supermodel."
"I now consider it a good day when I donâ€™t step on my boobs."
"Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?"
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it."
â€œIâ€™ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.â€
"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."
"Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'"
"As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. Itâ€™s 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'"
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."
"On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell."
Do not show me this again