It’s not a trap…it’s true love!

Holy. Paperclips. Who is that hunk in the cubicle next door?

Whether you’re trying to catch the eye of the hot new hire or you’ve been yearning for your coworker’s affection for years, we’ve got the tips to help you land your office crush.

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1. Break the ice by wishing him a happy birthday.

Everyone loves to remember that they were born, no matter what day of the year it is!

2. Dye your hair a different color every day until he notices you.

When he finally looks your way, convince him you’ve always been a blonde/redhead/purplehead.

3. Press all the buttons in the elevator so you have more time together.

Nothing fosters true love like a captive audience!

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4. Find out what he does after work and go there.

Join his recreational basketball league! Join his pub trivia team! Join his AA support group! Whatever he’s into, be into it too. Save your own identity for the crying in the shower.

5. Leave a coffee mug on his desk with your face on it.

It’s a gift! You can’t throw out a gift!

6. Pull the fire alarm.

Show him you’re hot and dangerous by doing something a little bit illegal. 😉

7. Call a meeting for just the two of you.

“You’ve been promoted—to my boyfriend!”

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8. Spill hot coffee on him!

Rub on his body with paper towels, in the name of helping. When he needs a change of clothes, hand over the muscle tee and booty shorts you’ve been carrying around for this occasion.

9. Change his screen saver to a composite photo of your future children.

We’ve all seen “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.” This shit works.

10. Hide out under his desk.

“Sorry, this is the only outlet that works with my finicky phone charger! Don’t mind me, I’ll just be crawling between your legs.”

11. Wait in the bathroom stall next to his, ready to hand over wet wipes.

If you’re gonna touch his butt, you better make sure it’s clean. He’ll think you’re thoughtful and sweet for sure!

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12. Volunteer to dress up as Santa for the office Christmas party.

Once he sits on your lap, he’ll never want to leave.

13. Ask a coworker to push him down the stairs so you can catch him in your big beefy arms.

Dudes love this, I swear.

14. When all else fails, commit mild to moderate fraud.

“Can you sign this expense report? Oh, it’s a marriage license? Whoopsie! Guess we’re legally bound to one another until the end of time.”