It takes a big man to love a small dog.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on “Game of Thrones” star Hafthor Julius Bjornsson’s Instagram. I’m not even a GoT fan—my knowledge begins and ends at dragons and death—and yet “The Mountain”’s Instagram feed has awoken feelings within me usually reserved for the bedroom. A passion so steamy I must unleash it here and now, lest I explode. I’m taking about huge men with tiny dogs.

Am I the only one who gets hot and bothered by this size discrepancy? There’s just something sexy about a man so comfortable in his masculinity that he’s able to proudly walk a pooch the size of a pretzel. Allow me to share all 19 of my future husbands, in no particular order.

1. First, let’s collectively wet ourselves over those tattooed arms embracing that Pomeranian fluffhead.

2. Now let’s ogle Hugh Jackman with his french bulldog, Peaches.

That name, though.

3. Can someone please Photoshop me smack in the middle of this cuddle puddle?

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4. Dogs, beards and corndogs—AKA the ultimate trifecta.


5. Here’s Jay Mohr wearing an outfit almost as 90s as his failed acting career. Thank God for his teacup terrier.


But seriously, should someone check on him?

6. Oh hi you handsome, handsome specimen that I would like to kiss on the lips.

Canine Distractions

The guy isn’t too shabby, either.

7. I am willing to look past this man’s cargo shorts in favor of his tiny dog backpack.

8. This is Adrien Brody cradling a chihuahua. What a time to be alive.


9. Someone please give these two studs their own BRAVO show.

10. I’ll go to every Planet Fitness in the Continental US until I find this man’s track pants and his adorable alpaca pup.

11. WIFE ME, James McAvoy.


12. A Husky Jonah Hill with His Pint-Sized French Bulldog is actually the name of my new erotic romance novel.

Daily Mail

13. I would settle down in the suburbs if it meant spending my life with these three derps.

14. Yes, hello, I’m on the list.

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15. Josh Duhamel’s tiny wiener dog makes up for the fact that he’s sort of, well, a tiny wiener.

16. This is now taped to my bedroom ceiling, for obvious reasons.


17. Nothing hotter than a man who’s confident enough to match with his dog on the runway.


18. BRB, booking a flight to Ireland to force marriage on this Irish man and his lap dog.


19. And for the grand finale, here’s an image so over-stimulating that I must step away from my computer now.