I just wanna find someone who loves me as much as Kanye loves Kanye.
I’m a 24-year-old girl who’s been at her Tinder game for a good two years now, with little luck. So I thought: Who better than self-proclaimed genius and modern-day Shakespeare, Kanye West, to help guide me through the Tinderspere? I mean, if Kanye can command the whole world’s attention by tweeting just a few words, then surely I can succeed in captivating ONE guy by following Yeezy’s example.
So, for one week, I responded to guys on Tinder with only Kanye’s tweets. I went into this experiment with no expectations, and came out with a potential husband…and shamefully, a new appreciation for Kanye’s Twitter rants.
First, I updated my Tinder bio with my personal favorite Kanye tweet.
If that doesn’t reel in the hotties, I don’t know what will.
It quickly became clear I’d have to kiss a lot of Kris Humphries before finding my Kanye.
That Kanye-level hubris doesn’t look so fly on normal dudes.
This guy was totally down to support my dreams, buuuuuut I’m not a dog person.
K, glad we’re on the same page.
I mean, if this guy can’t even be responsible for his water bottle, how will he be responsible with my HEART?!
This heartless dude doesn’t give a shit about my spiritual journey.
Hahaha, I just made this guy waste two hours of his life watching “Zoolander 2.” Sucka.
This guy was very down to dance in the streets/go to Ikea/and maybe even the Grammys with me.
Nvm, he’s a total pushover. Pass.
Seriously, how are these dudes NOT picking up on this?
Surprisingly, I had to swipe through a TON of guys to find a guy named Mark, so I could take advantage of Kanye’s Mark Zuckerberg tweets. It was a true meeting of the minds. I found a Platonic friend, with whom I discussed politics and economic freedom.
But then he used a gross line, followed by a WINK EMOJI. Ew.
What are the chances that my random Kanye NYC tweet would land on a guy who actually GOES TO THAT RESTAURANT?
Maybe Kanye IS up to something. Maybe he actually is the god he claims to be.
WHY WON’T YOU JUST ANSWER THE G-D QUESTION?
This sensitive soul was really feeling his connection to YE me.
…like a lot.
Unlike my last boyfriend, this stranger didn’t run when I said, “I love you.” In fact, he totally rolled with it. Suck it, Douglas.
And then a Belieber came along, and I started to have hope in this love game…as long as he loves me and we can be starving, homeless and broke together.
p.s. My favorite song is “Confident.”
Eventually, it seemed like some of the dudes were catching on to my Yeezy game. This guy was on fire. ????
You know what he won’t be spying? Lady Mary. (That’s what I’ve nicknamed my vagina.)
That conversation had me like…
The next suitor caught on right away, replying to my Kanye tweet with a ridiculous Pablo quote. It was Bound 2 happen.
Just when I began to lose hope, the Yeezy stars collided. I knew it was love when he fired back with Kanye quotes and pop culture references. He literally played fire with fire! *Gasps*
He then quoted Kim—*MIC DROP*—so I allowed him to have his moment, pressing the green heart to signal my approval. My beautiful dark twisted fantasy became reality.