Not just because they’re both bad for you.

We’ve all compared our ex to something.

A giant butthole? A heaping pile of shit? Satan?

All of those are very valid, very accurate depictions of some of our former lovers. But the most accurate, less obvious comparison comes in the form of our favorite fast food chains. Yes, that’s right. The greasy, fattening deliciousness has a lot more in common with your ex than just being cheap.

My ex is like Chipotle, asking me what I want but never giving me enough of it.

My ex is like Taco Bell, everything I’m craving after a drunk night out, but always something I regret in the morning.


My ex is like Jimmy John’s, freaky fast and too small to be satisfying.

Comes a little bit too quickly, too.

My ex is like McDonald’s, my only option when I want something at 2am.

My ex is like White Castle, someone you can always count on for the least romantic Valentine’s Day ever.

My ex is like KFC, he came with a lot of different sides.

Some better than others.

My ex is like Subway, advertising a footlong when the real thing doesn’t even come close.

My ex is like Carl’s Jr., something I think about while driving on a long stretch of highway, but never take the time to revisit.

You know you won’t get off at that exit.

My ex is like In-N-Out Burger, but his version of animal style isn’t as good.