Seriously, this woman is insanely smart and laugh-out-loud funny.
For anyone currently unfamiliar with Jenny Mollen, she’s a comedian, actress and bestselling author whose books are downright hilarious.
I strongly recommend you add both books to your Kindle immediately. Why?
1. First of all, Jenny’s style of humor is delightful —and raunchy.
2. She embraces her crazy.
“Crazy” is just a word boring people use to describe fun people. And I am really, really fun!
3. Her opinions on motherhood are honest and relatable.
Like her reasoning behind joining a Mommy and Me class:
I agreed to take the Santa Monica class mainly because I felt pressured by society to do so. In the past, I’d never been one to cave to convention, but that was before I had someone I really needed to impress: Sid. I knew he wouldn’t remember it one way or the other (until he was old enough for my sister to get him alone and give a detailed account of all my shortcomings), but I wanted to be perfect for him.
4. Jenny’s tale about giving birth to her son will undoubtedly make you laugh.
Would this little creature love me? Would he approve of me? Would his friends ever consider me hot? Would he ever find a picture of me from middle school with super-thin eyebrows? Or a Facebook post where I vowed to go vegan? Does my OB-GYN realize that one of my vagina lips is longer than the other? Is it weird to ask him to shave a little off while he’s down there?
5. As will her relationship with her super-religious baby nurse Debora, and Debora’s good friend Uzo (who worked for Beyoncé):
“Uzo got a Céline from Beyoncé for her birthday. My birthday is next week. I’m about to be fifty!” Debora let the information hang in the air as a waiter walked over and handed Jason the check. “You’re only fifty once, after all,” she said, as if you’re other ages more than once.
In her second book Jenny describes how she took Debora to her “fake bag dealer” to buy an imitation Birkin. Debora was initially offended by the thought of carrying around a knockoff, but, after praying about it, The Holy Ghost gave her permission to buy the knockoff—as well as instructions on the specific “brand” and style of bag he wanted Debora to have. Later, Jenny’s friend calls her out and explains that Debora’s been parading around with the bag, acting as if it’s the real deal.
“What do you mean? The Birkin is fake? She told everyone it’s real and that you got it for her. I heard about it through my friend Beyoncé. Debora is friends with her baby nurse.”
She said it nonchalantly, as if being friends with Beyoncé was the most natural thing ever. As if she didn’t want me to confuse her friend Beyoncé with any other Beyoncés I might possibly know?—?like Beyoncé the dog groomer or Beyoncé the Rite Aid cashier.
6. Jenny is married to Jason Biggs. It’s insanely fun to read about their loving and supportive—and also absurdly comical—relationship.
After hiring a hooker as a birthday gift for her husband (yup, you read that right), she gains insight into her relationship that’s both funny and somewhat profound:
When you are in a relationship, it’s often easy to lose sight of the fact that other women want to suck your man’s dick (even if they’re doing it for money). When you witness it with your own eyes, it really helps you appreciate what you have. It’s kind of like seeing an old sweater look super cute on one of your girlfriends and realizing you love it again. Not that I’d ever stopped loving my husband; I’d just already owned him for five fashion seasons.
7. The one and only Mr. Teets!
Jenny’s lovable companion (may he rest in peace) is the subject of hilarious essays in both of her books.
The most important thing to know about Teets is that, unlike most dogs, he’s an actual person. I’m not one of those animal freaks who will tell you that all dogs are created equal. Some dogs are just dogs. Teets, however, is a person in a small dog-sized fur suit and has to be treated as such.
8. The relationships she has with her own parents is hysterical.
Especially the self-awareness she has about her upbringing:
I need everyone to love me. My feelings of inadequacy and lack of parental attachment have made me one of those sick bitches who can’t tolerate being ignored. My parents say all the right things when they are pretending to listen to me. But the truth is, they are more like cats. They accidentally had a litter of kittens, and then emotionally moved on to whatever ball of yarn rolled past their line of sight.
9. The way she talks about her insecurities and light cosmetic enhancements is refreshing.
Here’s the deal with Botox: It’s awesome. The only people who don’t like it are people who don’t get it—like my husband. So in a selfless effort to appease him, I don’t tell him about it. My husband is happy and completely in the dark, and I look ever-so-slightly Photoshopped.
10. She’s friends with Chelsea Handler, and Jenny writes about some of the crazy adventures they’ve had together.
Like the time she went with Chelsea to try ayahuasca in Peru, and took a moment to reflect on how Chelsea had changed after becoming famous.
With Chelsea, it was different. Over the course of five short years, the girl who I’d watched get a back massage in the middle of a Vegas mall, the girl who I’d dressed in a pair of my shitty Charles David heels because she was planning to wear Havaianas to our premiere party, was now a household name.
What my own insecurities often caused me to lose sight of was that Chelsea hadn’t really changed that much. Her Havaianas might have been upgraded to Manolo Blahniks, but she was still the girl getting a chair massage in the middle of the mall.
11. Her first book is being turned into a television series, and her second will be adapted for the big screen.
And with Anne Hathaway attached to star in the film, you know it’ll be good!