Science Says These Are The Most Brutal Words In The English Language
Metal isn’t just a genre of music. It’s a way of life.
Like horror movie fans worship cult classics only they’ve heard of, metal fans have crafted their own head-banging, black-wearing subculture around the brütalest bands raising hell in music.
Try to think of a prototypical listener of Pop or R&B. Nothing really comes to mind, right? But try and conjure up an image of your typical metalhead, and you probably think of someone like Nathan Explosion from “Metalocalypse.”
It’s this stratified culture that made it the perfect candidate for a language study conducted by a data scientist identified only as “Iain” in his extensively researched post on Degeneratestate.org.
Iain used darklyrics.com, the self-proclaimed “largest metal lyrics archive on the Web” to analyze 222,623 songs by 7,634 bands for their most commonly used words. Putting his magical math powers to work, he then compared this data with his frequency analysis of words used in the Brown Corpus, a comprehensive collection of American English documents totaling nearly 1,000,000 words.
In the end, Iain compiled two lists, one of the most metal words and one of the least metal words, according to his research. We bring you those results now.
Top 10 Most Metal Words
So, when Father O’Shaughnessy gave you all those fiery warnings about how you were gonna end up in hell if you and little brother didn’t stop setting fire to the rectory, judging by his words, he was just being metal as fuck.
Let’s use them in a paragraph, shall we?
“’This is gonna suck.’ Thought William Murderface, but before he could protest, a final, thunderous crack from St. Peter’s gavel sealed his fate. The floor gave way, and his soul was condemned for eternity to the pits of hell, where the burning air, was so full of ashes that he could barely breathe in the between the cries of agony he let out as the demons and other great beasts dug their infernal claws deep into his very veins.”
See? So metal that the Devil himself would be proud. The Devil loves metal, by the way. Just ask him.
Conversely, here are the….
Top 10 Least Metal Words
Apparently, if you want to be decidedly un-metal all you have to do is get a job at a corporation and start using lots of words that end in “ly.”
Ready to put ’em all in one sissy paragraph?
“The chairmen of the university committee were particularly aghast when committee secretary noted that approximately 45% of the employees surveyed indicated that they were relatively unhappy.”
Bleh. Gross. Rule No. 1 of Metal: “There’s nothing even remotely brütal about a committee. Ever.”
There you have it! Proven by science, the definitive list of the most (and least) metal words in the English language. Good work humanity. We did it. We’re not sure how you’re going to use this newfound information, but whatever you do, make sure it’s metal to the max.