Study Confirms What We Already Knew: Men Who Catcall Have Smaller Balls

Have you ever been catcalled by some jerk in a fourwheeler?

Study Confirms What We Already Knew: Men Who Catcall Have Smaller Balls

We knew they were trying to compensate for something.

Have you ever been catcalled by some jerk in a four wheeler?

Well, science says those sleazeballs who catcall you when you’re walking down the street are really just trying to make up for their tiny, tiny balls. Jacob Dunn, a scientist and lead researcher at the University of Cambridge, discovered a correlation between catcalls and small balls via a series of tests with a certain species of monkey.

Apparently, the louder a howler monkey roars, the smaller its balls are.

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Consequently, Dunn concluded that that small-balled monkeys also have less sperm. The males try to make up for what they lack in size in other ways aside from roaring. “When males invest in large bodies, bright colors, or weaponry such as horns or long canines, they are unable to also invest in reproductive traits,” Dunn said.

So, the human equivalent would be something along the lines of mansplaining, getting ripped at the gym, and bright colored bro tanks? No matter the species, no matter the trade off, they all spell small balls.

Here’s a more in-depth look at the science behind the trade-off.

Basically, both men and monkeys are willing to make total asses of themselves because of their “battle for reproduction.”

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The Daily Dot reports that the howler monkeys that live in groups with other males tend to have smaller vocal organs and bigger testes. At the same the, monkeys that are basking in a monkey haven (surrounded by female monkeys) tend to have larger vocal chords and teeny-tiny testies.

It’s 2016, and men still don’t understand that the unwanted attention that stems from a catcall will never get them a date, and it will certainly never get them and their small balls laid.

Men who yell use up all their energy and have none left to grow a pair.

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“It may be that investment in developing a large vocal organ and roaring is so costly that there is simply not enough energy left to invest in testes,” Dunn explained.

Women everywhere can now find comfort in knowing that the next time some douchebag in a white tee and bandana yells out at them from the passenger side of a shitty Buick, they’re probably (definitely) rocking a pair of raisin-sized balls.