The Next Step in Human Evolution is Giant Burrito

One human burrito with extra guac,please.

The Next Step in Human Evolution is Giant Burrito

Anna Walters

Wrap me UP!

One human burrito with extra guac, please.

One of my most formative experiences as a child was watching MTV Spring Break in the late 90s. Specifically, the segment in which Jerry Springer invited two spring breakers up onstage, wrapped them together in a giant tortilla — complete with salsa and shredded cheese — and made the crowd cheer until they made out. For a good long while, I assumed that’s what sex was — two people smooshed together in a human burrito.

I have since learned the scientific details of the birds and the bees, but that doesn’t make the invention of this grown-up sized tortilla towel any less exciting. Now you too can live out your [totally non-sexual] dreams of becoming a living, breathing Mexican food menu item. The instructional video above demonstrates the proper folding technique for making yourself into a taco, taquito, burrito, enchilada, and so much more.

But you better roll fast! At just $35 bucks, these towel babies are already on back-order at Big Cartel. So get yourself on that pre-sale wait-list and get ready for some toasty beach cuddles.