This Guy Wants To Sell You Donald Trump’s Penis
Trump thinks he has the right to control women’s bodies. Now, you can control his.
Donald Trump’s penis has gotten more than its fair share of media coverage this year. During one of the GOP debates this past March, Trump defended the size of both his hands and genitals, prompting professional journalists at outlets like CNN and New York Magazine to publish pieces with titles like “Donald Trump Defends Size of His Penis” and “A History of Donald Trump’s Penis.” It’s almost hard to remember that, prior to 2016, entire presidential campaigns went by with nary a mention of a candidate’s wiener.
Now that the election is over, Donald Trump’s dick continues to haunt us, but at least this time, it’s for charity. Back in October of 2015, Chicago-based writer and comedian Ben Larrison purchased the domain name DonaldTrumpsPenis.com. Buying up website names to use for satirical purposes is a passion project for Larrison, who also owns sites like Shkreli.org, WayneLaPierre.org, McDonaldJTrump.com and SquirrelTruth.com, among others.
After hearing Donald Trump’s infamous 2005 “Grab them by the pussy” tape, Larrison felt compelled to act. He set up donaldtrumpspenis.com, providing visitors the opportunity to make a donation for which they’ll be rewarded with the opportunity to “own Donald Trump’s penis.” According to Larrison:
“Donald Trump seems to feel like he’s entitled to ownership over women’s bodies and body parts, and so it seem[s] only fitting that everyone else have the opportunity to own his body parts.”
For the price of a charitable donation, participants will receive a letter of ownership, proving they own a portion of Donald Trump’s member. All charitable donations will go towards benefiting Planned Parenthood.
Larrison’s website is one of many post-election initiatives designed to fund and protect the women’s reproductive health nonprofit from an increasingly hostile government. Since the election, Planned Parenthood has received over 200,000 donations, with 46,000 of those donations made in Indiana governor and future vice president Mike Pence’s name. Similar donation spikes have been seen across organizations like the Council on American-Islamic Relations, the Sierra Club, the American Civil Liberties Union and the Anti-Defamation League.
Throughout his campaign, Donald Trump was very clear that, if elected, he planned to nominate a pro-life judge to the Supreme Court, withhold federal funding from Planned Parenthood and ban abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy. With both chambers of Congress currently controlled by Republicans and Trump surrounding himself with hard-line, pro-life politicians like Mike Pence, Jeff Sessions and Tom Price, it seems inevitable that abortion rights will backslide.
Larrison hopes his website “will make people laugh, and remember some of the things Donald Trump has said (and plans to do) regarding women and women’s health.”
As for who’s more charitable—Donald Trump or his penis—well, that remains to be seen. But if Donald Trump’s past charitable contributions are any indication, I’m putting my money on the dick.