Mathew Jedeikin/Dose

To my fellow married gay couples: I need to know if I’m alone in this struggle.

David and I started dating before the Supreme Court made marriage equality the law of the land. So for us, marriage was distant?—?something we hoped for, but not something we felt would happen.

We celebrated an “anniversary” six months after we started dating. I know that goes against the very definition of an anniversary, but we didn’t care. We were falling in love and wanted to celebrate.

For our “sixmonthaversary” I made a homemade challah and David’s favorite foods, like my brussels sprouts salad and cauliflower steaks. I even busted out homemade ice cream to make sure the night was special?—?and it was.

Our one year anniversary was an even bigger to-do. We spent the afternoon re-visiting the site of our first date, Dolores Park Cafe in San Francisco’s Mission District, then ate at a fancy-ass Italian restaurant.

A few years later we became registered domestic partners. My job’s health benefits were better than David’s, so it was a practical decision. We toasted with a bottle of sparkling wine and bought matching rings to wear. I have no idea what day of the month it was when this happened. I just assumed we’d continue celebrating on May 14, the day of our first date.

The Supreme Court ruled on marriage equality a few days before Pride weekend. David and I cheered on the streets of the Castro , SF’s LGBTQ neighborhood.

We didn’t immediately marry. But when it became clear David was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I got down on one knee and asked him to be my husband. We tied the knot two days before Thanksgiving, but I always struggle to remember the exact date.

I completely forgot about our first wedding anniversary. A Google calendar reminder popped up the night before and I nervously asked David if was planning to get me anything. It was so unlike me to forget about a celebratory occasion, and I worried I totally dropped the ball. Luckily, David had also forgot.

We agreed not to go to the hassle of getting last-minute presents, but I did make a special dinner. It was nice reflecting on our year of marriage, but it also felt…off.

I’m going to make a point to remember our wedding anniversary when it comes around a second time, but celebrating in November instead of May will take work.

My question to all of my fellow gay married couples is this: Do you celebrate your actual wedding anniversary? A different anniversary? Both? Neither? I’d love to know whether or not I’m alone in this not-quite-a-struggle struggle.

And here’s hoping that the confusion us gay couples have— assuming there are others?—?will become a thing of the past. Today’s LGBT youth will grow up knowing they’ll be able to marry the person they love regardless of gender. Yay for progress!