It’s time to take your love life back into your own hands.

As we know all too well, relationships tend to end. We date around until we find the person whom we know for sure is ~the one~ for us. But until we find ~the one~, we tend to give our all to the person we’re currently into.

And sometimes, the person you’re currently into breaks up with you. You don’t know what you’ve done wrong because after all, you did give them your all. You made yourself vulnerable to someone you were trying to grow with. It can be extremely hard opening up to someone, which makes breaking up with them so much harder.

The only question you really have is why they broke up with you. I believe this is when you can learn how strong you really are: when the going gets rough.

‘New Girl’

Once a relationship ends, it can be difficult to move on. You return each other’s items you no longer want and you go your separate ways. Sure, you’ve gotten all your belongings back, but your former love still holds your heart captive and you want it back. What you crave is closure. You want to know what exactly happened that led the two of you down different paths. Hopefully, the answer will give you all the clarity you need to pick up and move on.

If you’re someone who follows the advice of relationship gurus like Steve Harvey or Dr. Phil, you know that this feeling needs to go away and you need to use your ~communication~ skills to get ~closure~. You need to open up to this person just one last time and you need to make it count.

You think about your meetup for hours (days, if we really want to admit it) and plan out what you’re going to say. “You hurt me,” you practice saying to yourself in the mirror. “I thought we were on the same page. What went wrong? Is there someone else in the picture?”

Finally, the moment comes when you meet with this person face to face. You ask all your questions, but their answers seem to dance around as skillfully as Misty Copeland.

Not responding is a response in itself.

When you can’t figure out what went wrong and the person you’re seeking closure from doesn’t make things easier for you, it’s time to strip your emotions away from the situation and begin to assess it candidly. Sometimes, the closure we get is hiding right in front of us and there’s nothing we can do about it. Think about it: not responding is a response in itself.

When someone you’ve opened yourself up to cannot do the same for you and be honest with you, recognize that this is the closure you need. They’re inevitably showing you their true colors, and I’m a firm believer that when someone shows you their true colors, you should believe them. Instead of putting on rose-colored glasses by thinking “Maybe they can change,” you need to accept what this person has laid on the table.

The truth of the matter is that we will not always get the closure we crave. When you don’t receive the closure you’re hoping for, don’t sit around and wait for it. Instead of thinking of all the what-ifs, accept the fact that this is normal and move on. Closure could be considered an excuse to keep the faith in a toxic relationship in which the other person is holding your heart captive. Instead of using this excuse, use this alone time as therapy until your next relationship. Take control of your life and don’t let the idea of receiving closure take over your love life.